Time passes, things don't change

A year and a half later. I have gotten married and held and lost 5 jobs. Big surprise, I am currently between jobs again. But what makes this one scary is that now my husband is also unemployed. Due to smart saving and budgeting, we are sitting on a nice savings, enough to last us a couple months, but that savings was supposed to go towards a down payment on a house. The job market here is so saturated that we know it will take awhile to find even new temporary positions. To say we are dispirited is an understatement. Is this the new normal? Constantly being downsized and scrambling to find a new job?

Finding my passion at 30?

Since I've had a lot of time of my hands recently, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do. With my life. With my self. What makes me happy?

I know it doesn't take much to make me happy. Finding a coin on the ground can completely turn my day around. Hugging my cat will always make me smile. I like reading. I don't remember ever not being able to read, and my father still brags to this day about how when I was tested for my skills when entering 4th grade, I was at a college reading level. But reading doesn't pay the bills. So what other skills do I have?

Sadly, none.

This has sent me into a depression that I have been battling the past couple weeks. My marketable job skills are subpar, to say the least. Sure, I have basic office skills. I can file, alphabetize, and enter data, but so can a monkey. I know Microsoft Office, but so does everyone else. Even my grandmother knows how to create a word document. My 13 year old niece can probably set up a better excel spreadsheet than I can.

I have an AA degree in Medical Science. I love medicine, but hate people. I would love to be in a lab somewhere crunching data behind the scenes. With no experience in the medical field, my hopes of that happening are zilch.

I love animals. I have applied many times to different animal shelters/kennels. No response.

I've been reading more into the prepping/homesteading/minimalism/self sufficiency lifestyle. I know that some combination of those things is what I want. Lately I've been envisioning a house on a decent piece of land, with a chicken coop and a garden in the backyard. I sell my extra eggs and produce, and work doing medical billing/coding from my home, which has two cats and a dog. But is this what I really want, or what just sounds nice now?

Harsh Awakenings

They say you shouldn't blog or do any kind of writing with the expectation of getting paid, just do what you want. So in light of that advice, I write this blog entry. The constant cycle of getting and losing a job has worn on me, more than I can say. My sense of independence, that I had only just begun to experience, was taken away from me on the whim of a woman who for unknown reasons did not want me to work for her. Now, seeing my so called friends turning against my husband, I feel lost. How can I hold my head high when so many forces are pulling it down?

I have started writing a book. The idea has been in my head, but stretching it into a full novel is proving to be harder than I thought. Enna, my poor Enna, the creation of my mind is about to go through hell. I hope both of us are strong enough to get through this.

5 things I've learned since being unemployed

I do not have the free time I thought I would

When I was first laid off, I thought that I could finally catch up on some reading and my Netflix queue, but I was very quickly proved wrong. Searching for a new job is a job in and of itself. When I wake up the first thing I do is get on the computer. Check my email. Check my phone. Check every job-seeking site I am subscribed to. This can easily keep me busy until past noon. A quick lunch of ramen noodles or whatever I can scrounge together, then I'm right back at it. I research resume tips, make follow-ups on any leads, check on the status of my unemployment benefits, and then re-check all the job seeker sites. By this time my husband has come home and wondered what I did all day.

The competition is fierce

I got my first job as soon as I could. On my 16th birthday I went to my favorite place in the world, Taco Bell, filled out an application, and was working within a week. I worked there for almost two years, and loved almost every minute of it. (And yes, I do still eat there.) After that I bounced around jobs for awhile to try them out and see what I wanted to. At 19 my mother convinced me to apply at the law firm she worked at, and I got into their clerical department, and moved 6 months later to accounting. I stayed there for over 8 years, eventually leaving to take a high paying contract. When that contract was over, I thought for sure my longevity would trump other candidates trying to get positions. I was so wrong. Sure, I have office experience and can type well, but so can EVERYONE ELSE. Clerical skills are a given nowawdays, it seems. Every interview I've been on has inevitably had to deal with "so what sets you apart from other candidates?" and you quickly learn, not much. Thanks to for-profit colleges that shove their advertising down your throats during daytime TV, everyone and their sister has some sort of degree in something. Medical assisting, massage therapy, medical/billing and coding, accounting, business, you name it, there's a college that will sign you up for thousands in student loans and promptly give you a piece of paper 9 months later and send you on your way. Not only is an associates degree almost worthless, it seems like it is no longer the proud achievement I held it to be. And with all these newly graduated people looking for the same jobs I am, there just aren't enough jobs to go around.

Taking surveys is not the money maker they make it out to be

With bills coming in, I started turning to the interwebs to see if there was something I could do to bring in a little money, and surveys seemed the way to go. I signed up to various sites, all promising a decent payout. But the reality is nowhere near this. I'm sure there are certain demographics that make decent money, but mine is not one of them. I can easily spend 30 minutes taking a survey, only to test out towards the end with a "I'm sorry, you no longer qualify." Do this a few times a day, and you've basically spent a few hours doing nothing and have nothing to show for it. On the rare occasion I do complete a survey, I am rewarded for my 20-30 minutes with $0.25. It's incredibly discouraging, and I thought that surely there were better things to do with my time.

Craigslist is crap.

When you see these articles floating around on how to make extra income, one of the items is always "check craigslist for odd jobs". Maybe in major cities this is feasible, but otherwise, it's crap. Once you sift through all the "adult" oriented jobs, there is not much left. People are learning the hard way that if you want a job done, you hire a professional. Need some jobs done around the house? You hire a licensed handyman. Need yardwork done? You hire a professional company. Gone are the days (if they ever existed) of postings for errands run, dogs walked, or even mowing a lawn. Even posts for servers make a big note of "only experienced servers will be considered". Trying to find somewhere to spin a sign? Pay is dependent upon experience. Even telemarketing jobs are based on commission, and I've been on the received end of those calls enough to know that any commission I make wouldn't cover the cost of all the ibuprofen I would need.

Not having a kid means I don't need help

A lot of social media sites that are geared towards helping unemployed people assume you are a parent. I, quite gladly, am not. My husband and I chose not to have kids because we have no parental instincts and have other plans for our life. So everytime I see an article about how to save money on diapers, toys, tuition, etc, for the kiddies, I just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Are you a single mom who wants to go back to school? Here's all the grants and assistance you can apply for! Stay at Home Moms, here's a list of companies that will hire you to do work from home! It seems like (to me) there is this idea that just because I don't have a child to take care of, I don't need help with paying my bills or keeping my lights on.

lessons from a dwindling cabinet

So yesterday marks one month of being unemployed. During that time period I have had no unemployment or food stamps coming in. We went grocery shopping once. Today my card for food stamps came in, and naturally my first reaction was to run to Wal-mart. DF (dear fiance) immediately texted not to buy any food. And thus begins our constant battle again. I am always naturally inclined to stock up on food. My mother always had a panty full of food when I was growing up, then as an adult my ex-husband and I were always below the poverty line, so having even a weeks worth of food was a luxury. Now that I had the money and knowledge of prepping, of course I'm always thinking about what foods are on sale, what do I need to stock up on, what am I going to be making, etc. But DF absolutely goes crazy if we have more than a weeks worth of food. I truly have no idea why. I'm not letting food go to waste, nor am I buying so much I am storing them outside of the kitchen. But he is insisting that I can't buy more food until the cabinets are empty. I worry about this. We have had screaming matches about the amount of food in the house. He is insistent that we don't need that much food, that at most we only need two weeks worth. Since my argument of "what I lose my job" has unfortunately happened, we are testing my food stockpile.

On the positive side, this has shown me my mistakes in what I am stocking up. We do not eat soup as much as I thought we did, but we do eat a lot more macaroni and cheese. We eat a lot of mashed potatoes, but not so much couscous or anything with bread crumbs.

However, since I have been trying to reduce the amount of pre-packaged food we eat, there is very little I can do. I'm going to have to start looking up homemade recipes so we can stop eating the boxed macaroni and cheese all the time. But the whole point is to have food on hand in case I can't obtain more food for a period of time. Time to get creative. 

a few bad apples

Why are people so quick to blame others instead of looking in a mirror? I have read so many articles about how all doctor's are nothing but money hungry puppets of Big Pharma, shoving meds down peoples throats just to get them out the door. This may be true, but this is what we as a society have created. We are so quick to take to a doctor to court over the smallest thing that it's no wonder they have to order every test and prescribe every medicine to cover themselves. According to a Harvard study, 40% of medical malpractice lawsuits are groundless. ( http://www.nbcnews.com/id/12723303/ns/health-health_care/t/many-medical-malpractice-cases-groundless/#.UlhEkhDwB9k ) We as a society don't want to take the time and effort of letting our bodies heal naturally, we want a quick fix so we can go back to shoving McDonald's down our throats. Doctor's are meant to be a supplemental tool in the care of our bodies. We need to take more responsibility for our health, take better care of ourselves, researching what our options are, trying to heal naturally and if that doesn't work, using the doctor as a 2nd or 3rd resort instead of running to them every time we get a sniffle or sore throat. I'll be the first to admit I spent most of my adult life so far being that person, going in and pretty much telling the Dr/NP that I had a cold and wanted meds. They would perform a cursory exam and give me what I wanted. Now I have a very weak immune system and am having to pay the price. But I am not blaming the doctor's for doing exactly what I asked them to. Take some responsibility, people.

Important Lesson

Today has been up and down, still no energy so I slept late, and then once I started moving around I developed a massive sinus headache. During my errands yesterday I was able to procure some eucalyptus oil, so after dinner I ran a hot bath and added some epsom salt and some oil. However, since my head was pounding so much my hands were shaky, and instead of a few drops I added more than I wanted to, approximately 20-30 drops, and a few on my fingers. The scent was strong, but I thought "it's just oil, no big dealOH DEAR GOD MY FINGER IS BURNING!" ok, well, obviously I must have a cut or something, nothing to worry about. So I got in the bath, started to relax, breath the steam, notice the tingling in my sinuses and lungs.....and skin......wow it's really tingly........REALLY TINGLY. Is my skin peeling off?! Did I accidentally bath in Bengay? MAKE IT STOP!!!!! so I drained the water and sat in an empty bath tub for 20 minutes. The headache didn't go away, but now my butt is tingly. I think I'll get a dropper next time instead of adding it from the bottle.

So with my last $20, I went to Publix and bought a few lemons, organic french fries, which was good, but then I also got chicken nuggets (buy one get one free), a flat of Dasani water, and regular eggs. For some reason Dasani water is the only kind that tastes good to me, and right now I need as much water as I can.